My Lesson on Goal Revising and Self-Forgiveness
After spending nearly three months in Sweden, I am back in the US of A. While I am happy to be
back and enjoying the bright sunny California days, I have to admit I went through a bit of an adjustment period. In one way, being in my home here was new and fresh and in another way it felt as though I had never left. Travel is strange in that way. You plan, pack, get on a plane and fly half way around the world – experience amazing moments. Time flies. Then the next thing you know you are back where you came from… jet lagged and a bit disoriented.
Prior to leaving Sweden, I had promised myself that I would run each and every day for 21 days as part of an experiment. And OK…I’m am going to say it just as it is…I failed. I haven’t run each and every day. For days I’ve put off admitting this because maybe I’m a bit ashamed.
In the process of trying to run for 21 days straight, I have to admit that I really don’t like running. LOL! There I said it!!! I’ve run a day here and there and then have gone on long bike rides and swam. Today I rode with a friend from Irvine to the backbay of Newport – the other day I swam for 20 minutes – the day before that I cycled 25 miles – the next day I ran 2 miles. And I’ve learned something about myself in the process. I enjoy variety. I know, I know…I’m a slacker surrounding my 21 day experiment.
But…I’m thinking it’s OK for goal revision and forgiveness. I can change my goal to 21 days of exercise in its various forms. I can forgive myself for failure. It took me days to write this post because of my guilt. As I’ve contemplated my inability to force myself to run for 21 days straight, I realized how easy it is for us not to forgive ourselves for past failures. We become angry with ourselves – we become stagnant -we look at ourselves as weak. And then there is our support system who may chuckle at our constant goal setting efforts and very little follow through.
I’m thinking I need to look at what I was trying to accomplish - the big picture. My goal really at the core is to get in shape and to grow better habits. I need to realize that there are many ways to get there. Goal revision is acceptable and maybe healthier than I know. I have to own who I am and then try to build a framework that makes sense for me. I need to analyze myself and learn to set goals that make my soul come alive. For instance, my self-analysis includes the fact that I love lots of colors – all type of people – surprises – new experiences. So it may be that my goal setting needs to include variety?
My 21 day project will be revised to 30 minute of exercise per day – running will be a part of it, but so will a lot of other activities I love.
I’m wondering how I can apply this lesson to other areas of my life? Maybe I haven’t finished a book to be published because I’m in need of a bit of variety…try writing from new places…read a wider variety of authors that inspire me before sitting down to write…make my home chores more fun and in a different order each time…
Writing this post is moving me beyond my shame based train of thought. I am OK even though I’m not perfect. I hope whoever reads this gives him or herself a break to. Moving to new levels cooking requires that we forgive ourselves and move on.
- Jen Engevik
Related Posts:
Day 1: Jen’s Twenty-One Days to Forge a Habit Experiment
Magical Swedish Summer Evenings
Yesterday was July 20, 2011 – the first day of my 21 Days to Forge a Habit Experiment. My workday was filled with lots of article writing for clients, many lapses in focus, and a burning desire to chuck my computer down from the balcony of our attic apartment conversion here in Gothenburg. LOL. Seriously, sometimes sitting in front of the computer makes me go quite mad, yet writing is my craft and I love the overall process.
The morning turned into noon, noon into the afternoon and then came evening. I knew I had made the commitment to run for 30 minutes, 21 days in a row – yet I kept putting it off and putting it off. Ten p.m. rolled around and I sat on the couch wanting to watch a movie. My better half looked at me and began laughing and asked, “so what about your vow to run for 21 days!” We laughed for a few moments together, but my giggles turned into frustration…and then determination. “We’ll see whose laughing in 30 minutes,” I yelped.
The next thing I knew I was grabbing my shoes and leashed up Melvin the dog to join me. He was more than thrilled to be getting out for adventure. Luckily life here in Sweden is in full swing at 10pm in the Summer…the sky is still light and men, women and children are out enjoying each and every moment of the season’s magic.
Melvin the Dog - Ready to go Run!
Out the door Melvin and I went on our quest to “be bold.” We ran and enjoyed every minute. Our trek took us past the city amusement park, a couple museums, outdoor restaurants and a raging party. Melvin did his best to stay focused, his little legs working hard to keep up. He had to make a few stops to sniff and make is mark on the world and one real big smelly mark in the middle of a public square that required some cleanup…and saw a handful of people watching me scurry to find a piece of paper to pick it up with, so an unsuspecting victim wouldn’t step in it.
On my first day of making he commitment to run 21 days in a row, I’d have to say the hardest thing was getting out of the door. I tried to make every excuse not to sit and veg. And to be honest, I had stomach cramps because…well…if you’re a woman you know why. I tried to tell myself that because of that I should sit and mope a bit. But I went after all…I didn’t run like a marathon pro…just took one stride and then the other. The best part of it all was that when I walked back in the door, I was feeling great! I can’t tell you how good it felt to look laziness…and the mockery of my other half in the eyes and say “so there! I did it!!”
Today is day#2 – Let’s see what it will bring.
Any of you out there decide to take making a new habit/or breaking one? I’d love to hear about it! Email me at jen@projectbebold.com.
“The victory of success is half won when one gains the habit of setting goals and achieving them. Even the most tedious chore will become endurable as you parade through each day convinced that every task, no matter how menial or boring, brings you closer to fulfilling your dreams.”
~ Og Mandino ~
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Does it Take 21 Days to Forge a Habit? Here’s How I’m Going to Find Out…
In my quest for boldness, I am about to test the theory that it takes 21 days to form a habit. Lately, I’ve
been not getting enough exercise. This has led me to develop some fitness goals, and inspired me to give the 21 Days to Form a Habit theory.
Experts have long held the theory that it takes the brain 21 days to get in the groove – or to break a negative habit. In a way, I’ve thought that it has become somewhat of a cliche, and to be honest I’ve never even tried to apply it to my life. So today is the day to begin.
For added inspiration, I have signed up for a www.habitforge.com account. Each day I will receive an e-mail asking if I have run for 30 minutes. If my answer is yes, I move on toward my 21 day goal. If I fail, I am forced to start all over again. I invited a friend to track my progress as well. She will be sent updates from HabitForge and will be my number 1 fan.
My Top 5 Reasons for Wanting to Reach my Running Goal
1. I want to make running an automatic part of my life.
2. I need more energy.
3. I want to work off some extra blubber I’ve gained while in Sweden gobbling down pastries, cakes and delicious meals.
4. I have signed up for the Amtrak Century bike ride from Irvine to San Diego in September. I need to get my lungs in shape! This is a start!
5. I’ve been reading the 4-Hour Body by Tim Ferriss. It is inspiring and has convinced me that bold living must include a bold body. I’m not talking about a “hot” body…I’m talking about a “bold” body…one that provides me the ability to breathe easy, be energy filled and think clearly. I recommend this book to anyone!
Bonus Reason: I’m thinking that I’ve been provided this thing called a body as a gift – trashing it affects me negatively and brings everyone else around me down. I want to be vibrant! This way I can give of myself to others and find a higher degree of freedom.
Each day, I’ll post a bit surrounding my progress beginning with today — July 20, 2011. Want to give forming a habit a try along with me? It doesn’t have to be running…it can be writing…not smoking…positive thought…eating healthy…etc. If you are up for it, I’d even invite you to write a bit about your progress and I’ll post it for everyone to see :-D – Or better yet start a blog yourself, and I’ll link to and feature it on Project BE Bold.
If you feel stuck, incapable, dull, blah, icky, wasteful or lazy…start with one habit and let’s go!
Last year, I unexpectedly lost one of my best friends in an accident. She was only 34. Losing her did several things to my psyche. It hurt like heck and broke my heart. But then when I realized it was reality, I became inspired in simple ways to do things in honor of her. To breathe the fresh air in honor of her. To love those around me deeper in honor of her (she was oh so loving to everyone). To live each second knowing that it may be my last. There is no guarantee that I will live to be 100. There are no guarantees that my mother will out live me, or that I’ll be able to do the things I love to do in the coming weeks, months and years. I’m not going to wait around anymore.
My friend loved to run. She would pull me out into nature and invite me to run along with her. We’d start out together, and before I knew I’d be panting and pleading for her to go ahead. Her long, strong legs would take her off into the distance – I’d wish that I had the discipline that she had.
Now’s my chance to find that strength, and with every stride pretend that she is by my side cheering me on. I’m here in the now – where everything is happening – from which amazing things spring. I think sometimes we get so caught up in our past failures and inaction, and we forget that any moment we can break free from our prisons and just go do. There must be a beginning…one step starts a race..then continuance brings success. Yet…I’m not wanting to think about success just yet…I have to start first and keep my eyes at my feet…as I take one stride at at time.
21 days – let’s go! Sign up for a www.habitforge.com account and let’s do it together. Write me at jen@projectbebold.com and we’ll inspire each other to make it happen…no matter what our goals.
Make it a bold day!
- Jen Engevik
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My News Experiment & Why I’m Banning Most News from My Life
I experimented a bit over the past few days to see how immersing myself into news would affect my
mood and my ability make bold decisions. This comes after making the decision over the past couple of months to stop reading about the latest tragedies, world conflicts, monetary woes and politics. During that period, I was quite productive and happy — I saw the world as a place of opportunity and beauty.
Getting off of my no-news diet and delving into the wild world of news for the past few days has really helped me reaffirm my position that it’s not so good for my outlook. Here are some of the things I’ve noticed.
- Politics - I’ve read about everything from what’s happening in congress – to the theories and Ideas presented by Presidential hopefuls – to conflicts in the middle east. The result = I find myself irritated and angered over many issues that I have no control over. I’ve wanted to get in arguments with those who don’t see things the way I see them. It hasn’t helped me one bit to be a more loving person. I was much happier – more accepting and hopeful when I decided to stop reading about the political games that are waged each day. I am going to continue my ban on reading about politics – and will not do it even when the election is in full swing.
- Tragedy – I decided to educate myself on what happened to Caylee Anthony. To be honest, I didn’t follow the trial or even know about it, so I dug in. I read much of the testimony, went over the timeline, listened to some of the interviews that detectives held with Casey and more. This experience filled my mind with darkness. I was frustrated by Casey misleading police and freaked out by her ability tell a lie without flinching. I was saddened when watching news clips of Americans holding signs, spitting and yelling outside the courtroom.The whole thing is troubling to me – firstly the media pulled millions of people in and made many of them more concerned over Casey Anthony’s life than their own daily lives. That is a lot of wasted time, energy and emotion. I didn’t miss a thing by not knowing about it or focusing my attention on the case. Because of this experiment, I’ve made a vow to continue turning the channel when stories of tragedy pop up. I’m going to focus on my immediate world rather than obsess on other people’s realities.
- Star news – In my search, I also caught up on the latest in Hollywood news. There are lots of divorces, disputes, stars battling the law, etc. My mind began to spin when I read about one star planning a $20 million wedding. It’s nice and all – but I just kept thinking about the real world and everyday people who are struggling and couldn’t help but feel a little frustrated. This experience also instilled in me that reading about stars diverts me from my own reality and causes me to wish I had more and sometimes makes my head spin. For these reasons, I’m continuing my ban on needing to know more about stars.
- Continue my ban on news and focus on the here and now.
- Delete my news apps from my iPad.
- Fill my mind with possibility — good books, happy movies, inspiring shows…and things that make me laugh.
- Eliminate divisive political discussions from my daily life. For me & the poor people I argue with, these conversations are energy killers.
- Get out and get some exercise – enjoy the beauty of the day – celebrate the moment
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If I Could Share a Thing or Two with the World
If I could share a thing or two to the world I’d share 
That a smile is worth more than gold
A soul should be treated with utmost care
We should love one another as though we are each precious treasures
Life can be lived in the present
(That’s where true happiness is found)
The heart is fragile
Magnificent
And
Our barometer for what is
Good, right and true.
If I could stand on the top of a mountain and shout a message out to the world,
I would invite everyone to live
Out their dreams
To treat each moment with respect
To stop pretending to be who they aren’t
To invest in positive thought
And courage
And hope.
I’d suggest that we stop focusing on drama
And start focusing on possibility
To pour ourselves into projects
Goals
A better world
I’d encourage others to leave the places
They visit in better condition than
When they first arrived.
(picking up a bit of litter may be a start,
Rather than walking over it and pretending it
isn’t there.)
To invest in better behavior
Rather than investing in the idea
that we are a doomed, sinful race.
Taking responsibility should be our
goal – rather than blaming it on
the devil or some other “sinner.”
Don’t you think if there is a God,
He’d would want for his children
to transform the world rather than
wait by aimlessly for a magical solution?
If there were religious groups standing by,
I’d want to remind them that
above all things LOVE is the most
important virtue
And gift that they can give the world
(Judgment isn’t going help their cause…
it will alienate those who need their message most)
If there are doubters out there –
Those who think there is nothing to live for
That there is no hope…
I’d like to invite them to
look around and see the simple beauties
that the world has to offer –
Blue skies
Music
Apples
Oranges
Flowers
Laughter
Talents
Butterflies
Goodness
And so much more…
The way to move away from a funk
Is to dive in
and dare to look beyond one’s self
know that you aren’t alone.
There may even be someone out there
Hurting more than you.
You can make a difference in his or her life
and then you will have sublime purpose.
Happiness comes from our ability
To move beyond ourselves
And into a pursuit for some sort of
excellence.
If I could teach the world a thing or two,
I’d share that
living from the soul is most important -
from the soul there springs,
Everything that we
will ever need.
No matter how much we think
Things and attainment will bring us joy
without tapping into the soul
everything is meaningless,
And false.
Within the soul resides
Peace,
Love
And hope.
To tap in into its deep well
Find moments of silence
and contemplate
on the truth it reveals.
Then live from it…
Energy will fill your bones
as you begin to live with
Authenticity.
By Jen Engevik
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A New Approach to Mondays
I’ve been reading a lot lately the things that make people truly happy. And here is some of what studies & experts on happiness have found to be true:
- Finishing a project
- Attaining a goal
- Doing something nice for someone
- Transforming a room, yard, or space from cluttered and messy to organized and clean
- Going to bed knowing that one did his or her best throughout the day
- The feeling of endorphines racing though one’s body after a hard workout
- Reaching the finish line during a marathon or race
- Leaving a space/room more beautiful than when you arrived
- Connecting with those you love and knowing they are safe and sound
- Listening to someone carefully & letting them know their words are important
- Raising a child & knowing that one did his or her best to raise them
- Witnessing the accomplishments of your children
The list could go on and on, but it is important to notice that the things that offer you and I the most joy and satisfaction are the things that include some degree of hard work, goal attainment and the consideration of others. Notice that things like laziness, lack of progress, and inactivitiy don’t make the list.
Monday is a day in which we can dive into the week and make this life worth living. It is the springboard from which amazing things can be born.
Those who suffer are those without a reason, without passion, and with
out a concern for his or her neighbors.
Instead of looking at Monday as a curse — see it as an opportunity — wish for more Mondays and more new opportunities.
Wishing you an amazing Monday!!!
“Make it a masterpiece,” said the late John Wooden, one of my mentors, once exclaimed with a smile on his face when I attended a basketball camp in Huntington Beach, California.
- Post by Jen Engevik of Project BE Bold
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Hope Solo Officially Named the Boldest Person of July 13, 2011
Hope Solo - Team USA 2011
Project BE Bold solutes Hope Solo as the Boldest Person of the Day! Because of her supreme performance in today’s World Cup Semifinal against France and her amazing work over the past couple of weeks, the US Soccer team is headed to the World Cup 2011 finals.
Hope Solo was born on July 30, 1981 in Richland, Washington where she was a stellar student and athlete. As result of her commitment to excellence, she helped lead Team USA to Gold in the 2008 Olympics and has since been noted by soccer experts as the best female goalie in the sport.
Solo overcame adversity when her father unexpectedly died of heart failure in 2007. A Vietnam Veteran, Jeffery was her first soccer coach when she was just five years old. She once told reporters that she had a “deep, deep love” for her father and was heartbroken when he passed away.
Solo’s approach to life is the epitome of bold. Her philosophy is that true success is possible when one stays focused, keeps connected to goals each day, and lives in the present. Many are unaware that she underwent shoulder surgery in September of last year. As she works tirelessly to protect her team from loss, her shoulder aches – yet she doesn’t complain. She stays in the zone.
“I’ve been prepared for this through heartaches, through personal struggles,” Solo said. “This is what it’s all about. It’s about defying the odds for me. It’s about proving people wrong. It’s about playing the game I’m passionate about. This is what I live for. I’ve prepared my entire life for this moment.”
Project BE Bold solutes Hope Solo and wishes her luck as Team USA goes into the World Cup Finals this coming Sunday at 11:45am PST/2pm EST.
- Project BE Bold
